Bleak and Outdated

Carol knows it’s time; time to do something with her bleak, outdated kitchen, low functioning bathroom and depressing master bedroom. Her internal conversation goes something like this.

“Remodeling and updating is overwhelming! When I think of how my husband and I will get along during this disturbing process; I just put the whole thing out of my mind..again. Steve and I had a hard time just agreeing on paint for the kid’s bedroom. It’s just not worth it to tackle updating or remodeling. Yet, something really needs to be done, if only to keep the value of our home up. Interest rates are good right now!

I wish this wasn’t such a touchy subject with my husband. Oh, well….maybe someday he’ll bring it up on his own. How come I’m the one who always brings it up?”.

This is a common scenario, not only in home remodeling; but also in other areas of life. How do you talk about touchy subjects? How do you bring up hard to talk about issues? With Steve and Carol there is a history in making decisions together that didn’t go well. It is challenging to leave that history behind in order to move forward. Here are a few questions to ask if you find yourself in a similar place.

1. How important is this to me? Rate your response from 1-10. 1 being not important and 10 being very important.

2. How important is this to my partner? Rate his.her response.

3. Is the timing right? How are the interest rates? Do we have the resources (plan, time, money and supplies) to do this now? If not, is there a better time?

4. Am I willing to learn from history, take a risk and move forward?

Carol could bring up the conversation like this. “I know we had a hard time picking out the paint for the kid’s bedroom. We argued a lot, but I think I would like to work together to update our house; to give it another try. We have such a wonderful home and I think by updating, we could add substantial value to it. The interest rates are low now and I think it’s a good time. This is important to me. Would you be willing to talk with me further about this?

Sometimes acknowledging the previous frustration without blame can lighten the power of conflict. Then focus on the reward and ask to partner with one another to move forward is empowering to all involved.

Bleak and outdated becomes promising and brand new!