A Furniture Treasure Hunt

Building a home, re-modeling, updating and/or furnishing your home should be FUN, if not a blast! I work with a couple who says the F word in their house is; FURNITURE!! How funny is that!!

This couple hates to go furniture shopping: they loath it.  If they never go inside a furniture store again, that would be wonderful. So, my job as their interior designer is to furnish their recently renovated home, top to bottom. Because I am committed to making this process as much fun as possible, for them and for me, I arrive at their home once a week when they are not there, and place furnishings.

When they get home from work, it's a furniture treasure hunt!! I leave notes here and there throughout the house. They are tickled when they come home and have surprises all over. They love the discovery of new pieces placed just so. They don't always keep everything, but most pieces work really well. It takes a lot of pressure and stress off of them, freeing them up to HAVE FUN!

This is an example of turning a challenge or possible conflict into a solution. If you find yourself in a situation where conflict is just around the corner, consider the following idea.

·        Your spouse, partner or kid is not your enemy. You are working together toward something you both want. Focus on the goal; not the obstacle.

Once you remind yourself of this, find three different ways to solve the problem. It’s good to have more than two choices so it doesn’t feel like and “either, or” situation. You may actually come up with more than three ideas, but if you’re in a hurry three options is helpful. If you get stuck, ask another person for their ideas.

For this couple and me, it was a WIN WIN for all! It is a terrific way to celebrate the accomplishment of furnishing a home when it started out as a damaging “F” word, now it’s an enjoyable “F” word.

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Bleak and Outdated

Carol knows it’s time; time to do something with her bleak, outdated kitchen, low functioning bathroom and depressing master bedroom. Her internal conversation goes something like this.

“Remodeling and updating is overwhelming! When I think of how my husband and I will get along during this disturbing process; I just put the whole thing out of my mind..again. Steve and I had a hard time just agreeing on paint for the kid’s bedroom. It’s just not worth it to tackle updating or remodeling. Yet, something really needs to be done, if only to keep the value of our home up. Interest rates are good right now!

I wish this wasn’t such a touchy subject with my husband. Oh, well….maybe someday he’ll bring it up on his own. How come I’m the one who always brings it up?”.

This is a common scenario, not only in home remodeling; but also in other areas of life. How do you talk about touchy subjects? How do you bring up hard to talk about issues? With Steve and Carol there is a history in making decisions together that didn’t go well. It is challenging to leave that history behind in order to move forward. Here are a few questions to ask if you find yourself in a similar place.

1. How important is this to me? Rate your response from 1-10. 1 being not important and 10 being very important.

2. How important is this to my partner? Rate his.her response.

3. Is the timing right? How are the interest rates? Do we have the resources (plan, time, money and supplies) to do this now? If not, is there a better time?

4. Am I willing to learn from history, take a risk and move forward?

Carol could bring up the conversation like this. “I know we had a hard time picking out the paint for the kid’s bedroom. We argued a lot, but I think I would like to work together to update our house; to give it another try. We have such a wonderful home and I think by updating, we could add substantial value to it. The interest rates are low now and I think it’s a good time. This is important to me. Would you be willing to talk with me further about this?

Sometimes acknowledging the previous frustration without blame can lighten the power of conflict. Then focus on the reward and ask to partner with one another to move forward is empowering to all involved.

Bleak and outdated becomes promising and brand new!